Friday, January 8, 2016

The Big "O" - Give Him Instruction

I think we women assume men know what pleases us sexually.  We assume they know what we like and what we don't like.  We assume they know how to drive us wild.  We assume, we assume, and then we assume some more.  We imagine they have a crystal ball with all the insights into our mind, a perfect guide to our likes and dislikes.

The reality is that our hubbies do not have mind reading abilities.  Instead of growing frustrated when our man doesn't perform the way we want him to, we need to communicate.  Communicating your likes and dislikes in a loving, respectful way will do wonders for your intimate life.  He wants to please you.  He wants to make you experience the Big "O"! All he needs is some instruction.

So you go wild when he does X, but Y is not so grand.  Tell him how much you enjoy X.  Tell him what feels good. Give him all the details, but be gentle and avoid critiscim.  Do you enjoy prolonged foreplay? Then don't be shy, tell him. In short, giving your husband loving guidance is a win-win situation, but it won't happen if you choose not to communicate!

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

New Year's Marriage Resolution

I primarily write about sex within marriage, but today I'd like to focus on just marriage.  I was recently reading the Song of Solomon and noticed a pattern we, Christian women, would be wise to emulate.  I challenge you to adopt this in 2016.

Throughout the Song, you see the bride complimenting her man, delighting in his beauty and strength. When was the last time you paid your spouse a sincere compliment about his appearance? If you're like most married couples, you showered your spouse with compliments when you were courting, or early in your marriage.  As time goes on, and your collective girth has grown, those sweet and sexy compliments fizzle out. The  "Dad Bod" reigns supreme and your once studly man is balding and snores.  This may be true, but let it not keep you from showering your man with compliments. 

Compliments about his personality or strengths are important, but so are compliments about his appearance.  When you give your husband a compliment about his appearance, it communicates that you still find him attractive, that you want him.  To a man, this is HUGE! We're not talking about boosting his ego, but communicating truth and not taking our husbands for granted.  Just like we women love to be complimented  on how we look, men desire the approval of their wives.  Don't exaggerate or lie, but be honest about what you find attractive or sexy.  Do you like how he looks in a particular pair of jeans? Tell him so.  Do you love the color of his eyes? Tell him his eyes make you swoon, or something like that. 

Enjoy the manliness that God has given you.  Don't take him for granted.  Happy 2016!

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Don't Be a Sexual Grinch!

I once knew a Christian woman whose husband was a strong, silent type.  He worked hard to provide for his family.  His wife stayed home cared for her family and home.  He was a man of few words, not social, content with work and family.  She, on the other hand, was a talkative, social, and spontaneous person.  Needless to say their personality differences brought them marital tension.

She saw sex as a weapon.  A weapon used to deprive her husband. Sex was withheld when she was not happy, when he said something wrong, when he didn't meet her expectations, and on and on the list went.  I noticed something curious about this couple at Christmas time.  For years he gave her lingerie for Christmas, expensive lingerie.  She would smile and pretend she was delighted, but inwardly she saw his gifts as demands for sex.

He gave his wife lingerie because he found her attractive and yearned for the closeness that intimacy brings in marriage.  He was lonely and sexually deprived.  Years went by, and their marriage deteriorated.  They became distant roommates.  He had given up, and she was appathetic.  He became involved in an adulterous affair. It was short lived, but devastating to his family.  They were both at fault, but one has to wonder if the story would be different if she had not been a sexual Grinch.  Only God knows, but ladies, beware! Don't be a Grinch!

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Big "O" - Explore!

One thing that experts agree will help women become more orgasmic is self-exploration.  How can you become orgasmic if you're not acquainted with your own body and what feels good?  This takes a little time and no, you ARE NOT SINNING by exploring your own body.

Start by taking some time alone to slowly explore what feels good. Gentle strokes down your arms? Stroking the inside of your thighs, your ankles, or pressure on your nipples? Where is your clitoris? Pleasure yourself and decide what feels good.  Think of your husband. Think of him making love to you.  Focus on your body and how touch feels.  Enjoy the sensations and DO NOT think of your long to-do list,  kids, or bills!

Once you have spent some time exploring your own body, you will be better equipped to guide your husband while lovemaking.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

The Big "O" - It Starts in Your Head

So you want a mind blowing orgasim? Well my dear sister, it starts by thinking about sex.  Experts confirm that we women are more likely to have an orgasim if we think about sex before we engage in the act.  Your mind has a profound effect on your body.  Thinking about sex (with your husband) will prime your body for the big event.  Yes, it's okay to think about sex (with your husband).  He's the only one you're allowed to fantasize about.  You belong to him, and he to you.

Start by slowing down and focusing on the details.  In our crazy-hurried-lives we sometimes have to force ourselves to stop and think.  So stop and visualize sex (with your hubby).  Think of what feels good, and where it feels good.  By taking time to think you prep your body and create a sense of anticipation which will only increase your climax potential!

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

The Big "O"

Did you know that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, while the penis only has 4,000?  Did you know that the clitoris has no physical function other than to provide pleasure?  To me these facts are confirmation of this fact:  God gave married couples the gift of sex not only for procreation, but for our pleasure.  

Through the history of the church many have come to erroneous, unbiblical conclusions about sex.  Namely, that the sole purpose of sex is strictly for procreation.  Some even believed that if a man enjoyed sex with his wife, it was a sin.  Science has now given us the details of the Creator's design and guess what? He designed us for pleasure.  If he designed us for pleasure, then by golly we need to name it and claim it! We should not ignore the gifts the creator has given us.  In his infinite wisdom he designed us to mutually pleasure each other to further strengthen our bonds of monogamy in marriage.  

If then, God in his wisdom, designed women to receive pleasure, isn't orgasim the full expression of that pleasure?  Perhaps you've never experienced The Big "O" and wonder what the fuss is all about.  To be sure some women are perfectly content with not having orgasim and that is fine and dandy.  But for those of you who want to explore, enhance your lovemaking,  and lay claim to all the pleasure you were designed for, stay tuned to this series on The Big "O"!

Friday, October 9, 2015

So what's the hold up?

"If sex is the one thing that would make the difference for him, the one thing that really makes him feel loved, why not make it a priority? Why is it so much easier to make his favorite meal or buy him an elaborate birthday gift than it is to meet his sexual needs?"

We, as women, invest sooo much time and energy into all sorts of things (i.e. hobbies, sports,  upcycling palates and mason jars) but when it comes to investing in our man, too often we fall short...

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

How is your husband's sex drive God's gift to you?

"Fulfilling your husband sexually encompasses so much more than the physical act. It means inviting his sexuality into your marriage, embracing all that he is, hopes, and desires. It includes wanting to fully understand him and welcoming the sexual appetite that expresses his masculinity. It involves striving with him through weakness and temptation and covering his fears and failures. No magazine, no coworker, no porn site can be this teammate and confidante for your husband. This is your place; this is your power; this is your gift. Unwrap it."

Why is sex a relational need for your husband?

"Have you ever noticed that your husband seems to treat you differently after sex? He's more attentive (perhaps after a brief nap), more affectionate, and more appreciative? This isn't just your imagination. He is biologically wired to bond with you after sex. He literally feels emotionally closer to you after orgasm — and that's not just a line!"

I am constantly amazed by God's design in his creation.  The science behind sex and bonding only confirms this beautiful design.  Read and be awed by our creator....

How is sex a spiritual need for your husband?

"Your husband depends on you to be his partner in his battle against sexual temptation. Although you aren't responsible for his actions, you are a key component in his victory. You're the only woman in the world whom your husband can look at sexually without compromising his integrity!"

I think all too often we wives forget this.  Read on to remind yourself of this truth .......